In 2010 I left an abusive relationship. I remember the words she offered as an excuse for her treatment of me. “I use to be just like you, until I got tired of being nice and taken advantage of.” The six years since I have wondered with each new heartache that has came my way..IS this going to be the hurt that makes me an asshole?
I have come to the realization, NO I will never become like her, simply because when I am faced with the choice to be mean or be kind. I choose to be kind. I choose kindness again and again because that is who I am. I choose to be grateful, and I choose to hold on to the good.
Everyone is capable of being kind and some choose it every now and then when they stand to benefit from the situation. She was never “like me” I will never be like her. When I give myself and my heart I give it wholeheartedly. I open myself up in spite of the possibility of being hurt. I do it because I know that one day I will find that back. I will find someone that is ready to give me all of themselves, and when that day comes it will not be because of someone else’s ill treatment of me that will cause me to not be able to accept it.
I watched a Ted Talk today. Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability
She talked about being Wholehearted and realizing the being vulnerable is the only way to live life in a wholehearted way. By opening myself up again and again regardless of knowing it will work out is a gift that comes from being well loved, and being deeply connected to the people that you love. I know I am enough and I know the person meant for me will see that without needing convinced. That person will regard my softness and kindness not as weaknesses. They will not take advantage of those parts of me. The people that have, are truly the ones that have missed out.
I have made excuses for many people that have hurt me based on the belief that they have been hurt and it limited their capacity to love and give appropriately, but in reality everyone has a choice. I will choose to be kind every time and I will choose love over disconnection.
I no longer worry about becoming something I am not, and I don’t look back in regret because I know I have given my best. I will always give my best and love wholehearted because that is just who I am.